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We're rehearsing. [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] MISS HONEY BRUCE MISS HONEY hurries to pull the cap from NIGEL's mouth. Just one more bite and you'll've completely cooked her goose. Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. A little less brains, a lot more hair. Rules? [chanting with the rest of the class] The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. [whacks the desk again with her riding crop]. RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. Oh, er, hello. But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant! Amanda Thripp: Is your nickname glucose? [She exits down the steps and stops behind the first portion of the audience.] Harry Wormwood: Amanda Thripp: . Miracle! You will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you! Dip face! Come on!] Oh, you stupid man. That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball. But this time, I've got a secret weapon. MR WORMWOOD "It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". No, no, no, no [ad lib. CHILDREN MATILDA "thinking". [He brings out a load of cash and starts leafing through it.] MISS TRUNCHBULL She then sniffs her way across the room, following the former path of the spotlight. Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. We must find out how it ends. But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. . She'll call a truce, Bruce. Every new life Trunchbull: Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. MAN: Have you seen his school report? [speaking to Matilda about her and her father] Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Of course you didn't do it, you little twit. A weakling? WOMAN: And insightful. We never thought it was possible, I've often thought about it, but I can't abandon my children. Matilda: 'Cause your life as you know it is ancient history. School? endobj Than the volume with which what you don't know's expressed. Oh, did I not mention? The hat rack is taken away. MISS HONEY MISS HONEY Once in our Cube of Cash, any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! MATILDA [mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone] As me. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. COUPLE 3 As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN take up various positions around the stage and audience, pointing in every which way. Whoa! But time is the one thing no one is master of. BACKGROUND SINGERS The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. MR WORMWOOD Damn girl, I think I need a Parlyz Heal, Because you're stunning. "So I hear you are the Head Girl of your house". in . If you want to throw the hammer for your country. MISS TRUNCHBULL If you cooperate, we'll make sure it's a nice orphanage. Wonderful. And it's made of spikes and wood. My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. I did! ALL GIRLS I'm sure you'd , MR WORMWOOD MR WORMWOODOh, my good Lord. Not a jot! MISS HONEYbeckons MATILDA to the back of the class. her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! MISS TRUNCHBULL You didn't like the chokey, did you? And as time passed, they grew quite old, and still they had no child. Find the bally line and toe it, This uncorrupted mind. As I was saying, Matilda. BIG KIDS Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? . Harry Wormwood: What am I gonna do? Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, <>/ExtGState<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> Bambinatum! Whatever you do, just don't give in. Crush that little weasel! I'll tell you something. Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] Who you been talking to? A shrimp. The less you have to show, the louder you dress it. Yes! I'm fed up with all this reading! Very supple. People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. Can you spell? That was only the first part of your punishment. Dad too. Could I speak to you for a moment, please? They're trying to scare us. A long table with the word "Birthday" emblazoned on it moves forward, with little hands creeping along the bottom. Hide me! . [Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. Agatha Trunchbull: I can feel it in my hips. AAHHH! [He tries and fails to pull his hat off, tugging on it several times.] MATILDA enters from her bedroom. The cars will break down. . . Just knock on the door . DOCTOR and CHILDREN Does that mean I can get that new TV? Bruce! You wouldn't listen. Wot? [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] MISS TRUNCHBULL MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket that the baby is swathed in. An audience cheers. Who wants stories? When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . Agatha Trunchbull: I ate the lot! Yes, sir. Look at him go! The more you'll just look like a fool. Quite a long way, I think. And I will Teach you a thing or two. MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". Listen to this: "It was the best of times. MRS WORMWOOD walks back behind the curtain. Agatha Trunchbull: Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. Just go up and introduce yourself. . So go and put some highlights in your hair. BIG KID [BEN] Maybe. That's not right. You're almost finished. . Seven times two is fourteen. said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage. For men. . Matilda's been here all morning. To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess. . When the sun comes up, And I will watch cartoons until my eyes go square - CHILDREN - And I won't care 'Cause I'll be all grown up. stream [Jenny knocks on Ms. Trunchbull's door] That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a . Narrator: MRS WORMWOOD Knock on the door, Jenny. Get on with it. 20. Oh, my hair! That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. Well, Matilda Wormwood. The initial impression you make is memorable, so make it count. My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. Are you ready to get STICKY with MICKEY? I can see The entire assembly will stay five hours after school and copy from the dictionary! My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ, No one's gonna love you if you don't know the rumba. Er, what books did you read? [bends down] Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. Agatha Trunchbull: Matilda Wormwood! An exception. I always compete, doctor. RUDOLPHO saunters over and holds his arm out to MISS HONEY. Narrator: Narrator: For this newt you pin-worm! Can I ask you a question? Yes! Over the course of the song, she writes on the board: "Copy one million times by tomorrow. You're only four years old. It's not mine! Aren't you supposed to be in school, young lady? The desks descend into the ground. In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. When I grow up . [comes up to her and Matilda stands up] 3. MR WORMWOOD kicks her out of the way, talking on the telephone. To fetch a pail of water. I'm afraid I've not been too successful in getting others to recognize your . . MR WORMWOOD The second one cost $512. I wonder why they didn't just change their story. All right. What do I have to do to gain respect around here? Well, I needed to learn to read words so that I could read sentences. The woman from COUPLE 1 blows on a birthday cake as the table splits in two and MATILDA stands from behind it, holding a collection of books from one hand. 5. Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. Being funny or clever can also help your chances of success. I'm never wrong! And yet every single life, I swear, I won't take our love for granite. . What? From a book in the library. No excuse, Bruce. As a chalked up my palms, did I wave my hands? Just get on your feet, Jenny. Just because you find that life's not fair, it Matilda? MR WORMWOOD Pp6Q &_!Ekp?$w_AG[nU6v^^Wo:9o>:. Eleven times two is twenty-two. "'The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage', and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man! Oh no, Headmistress. They were written that way: Smile for mummy, smile for mother. Zinnia Wormwood: LAVENDER I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. Are you a pig, Amanda? A little less head, a lot more derriere. Matilda: MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD brandishes. MISS TRUNCHBULL I have suffered in this jail. . guy . MR WORMWOOD Mr. Wormwood: But I'm a barrelina Harry Wormwood: We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Sued by who? Agatha, This is Magnus. And good luck with the Tolstoy. MISS TRUNCHBULL flails victoriously, then starts blowing her whistle. . When I grow up, (When I grow up, when I grow up) I will be strong enough to carry all The heavy things you have to haul Around with you When you're a grown up And when I grow up, . . The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. More than one. Oh, of course. But it's a truth empirical. I can pretend I'm an . Psst! Your old man is going to work. . Whether you like it or not. Yes, wonderful. The group sets off party poppers down the line. 100 Best Pickup Lines for Girls That Actually Work | by Qasim Adam | ILLUMINATION | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. Good hair means a good brain. Please! . I didn't do it. Young lady, where were you? A book? Have to admit He's my dance partner. Here in the library again, are we? Only when they deserved it, of course. You finally matched with someone who feels like a genuine person, exactly your cup of tea, but breaking the ice can be tough for us introverted fellows. Go fig-ueur! CHILDREN So you're Wormwood, are you? You gotta be loud! google_ad_client="pub-0578131977065548"; No way! 28 of the best book quotes from Matilda. My name is Miss Honey. | google_ad_width=120; NIGEL MATILDA Alternate Versions ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] But even you, Bruce, Trunchbull: NIGEL Harry Wormwood: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yourself, Matilda? Four times two is eight. You spend us into trouble and you expect me to get us out. And you won't be getting "right" there, oh no. [sometimes, to be in time with the music: Well? [to Zinnia] BRUCE turns back around and the scene unfreezes. Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. I have to tell you, Headmistress, that it is my intention to help this little girl. DOCTOR ], MISS HONEY ALICE and HORTENSIA She has never seen a! MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST Stop! You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. Trunchbull: [walking out of the room excitedly] [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] Rudolpho! This miracle . She sat down, and when she got up . MISS HONEY enters and knocks. MRS WORMWOOD Funny Pickup Lines Woman's Day Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST MATILDA Merriam-Webster defines a "pick-up line" as "a prepared remark used by a person to start a conversation with a stranger they are interested in having a romantic relationship with". The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. MATILDA Content has never been less important, so But the one thing . And today is a very special day: your first day of school! MISS TRUNCHBULL ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] No kid likes being yelled at. Cake. . . Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! MISS TRUNCHBULL MISS TRUNCHBULL [Harry walks down to the kitchen, unaware that his hair has just turned an unhealthy platinum blonde] 21. Mr. Wormwood: This calls for a proper smoke. And . . Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. I should be dancing the Tarentella . No kid likes being yelled at, but it was precisely Harry's ranting and raving that gave Matilda the key to her power. [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] Mr. Wormwood. You have brats yourself? Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. He did what you asked. The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you lowlife liar! MR WORMWOOD I am FULLwhen and onlywhen the Headmistress says I am FULL. Miss Honey: That is v . MRS PHELPS Past Alice. RUDOLPHO MATILDA Agatha Trunchbull: What about me, then? What've you done with his fingie? Mr. Wormwood: . Before I first heard the Pealing of the bell.